i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
