She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
