I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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