you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
no you cant smoke seaweed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
