I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
one might say we're banned from that church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize