Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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