I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This baby is an asshole
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
