i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
