So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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