dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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