I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
