3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
