If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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