I bet he comes in French.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just high enough for therapy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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