Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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