She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
