It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
