Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
