I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
