i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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