this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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