Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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