put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
