she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How does one acquire holy water?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
