Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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