I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize