This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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