I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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