I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
