Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
