the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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