On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
