is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
