the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
