Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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