i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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