i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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