That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
