Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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