You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
