I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
