I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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