i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
