She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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