What a fucking waste of an outfit
wanna go halves on a baby?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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