She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
