get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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