kristin has been a bad kristin
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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