Yo dont text me then not text me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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