There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
