I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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