Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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