Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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