I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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