You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
