I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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