I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
