maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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