you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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