I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
