as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
