she smelled like a LAN party
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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