turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I touched a dick in church today
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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