Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
