I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
