I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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