I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
