So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize