apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize