Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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