FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize