it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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