My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
