We won't sleep together?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
