that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
