I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
