how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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