Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

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  (303): God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with. (720): And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids. http://tfl.nu/a779
  Replies (16) Good night (1052) Bad night (4270)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago

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  (402): I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago http://tfl.nu/aauf
  Replies (16) Good night (3551) Bad night (1366)
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  (530): View more from California

  just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life

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  (530): just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life http://tfl.nu/64wx
  Replies (28) Good night (7722) Bad night (648)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.

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  (847): Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer. http://tfl.nu/vx01
  Replies (15) Good night (805) Bad night (4629)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised

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  (517): can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised http://tfl.nu/5ukp
  Replies (10) Good night (3857) Bad night (1254)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.

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  (901): There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/rmal
  Replies (2) Good night (3042) Bad night (942)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.

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  (678): God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job. http://tfl.nu/ew2c
  Replies (2) Good night (1339) Bad night (759)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous

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  (614): My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous http://tfl.nu/febg
  Replies (5) Good night (543) Bad night (1861)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.

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  (919): I have a cut on my head from a tambourine. http://tfl.nu/wa5x
  Replies (3) Good night (1364) Bad night (470)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today

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  (208): Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today http://tfl.nu/l6jz
  Replies (2) Good night (1103) Bad night (410)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick

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  (757): Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick http://tfl.nu/3rkl
  Replies (8) Good night (549) Bad night (1000)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.

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  (406): Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night. http://tfl.nu/g42n
  Replies (3) Good night (1003) Bad night (375)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.

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  (630): I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award. http://tfl.nu/kz36
  Replies (5) Good night (937) Bad night (368)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"

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  (616): I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!" http://tfl.nu/jxqn
  Replies (3) Good night (806) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.

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  (650): Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what. http://tfl.nu/elzg
  Replies (4) Good night (841) Bad night (186)

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