he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs