Texts From Last Night

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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.

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  (276): Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while. http://tfl.nu/zglk
  Replies (3) Good night (962) Bad night (1352)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.

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  (443): The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion. http://tfl.nu/57n6
  Replies (31) Good night (746) Bad night (4697)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.

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  (224): Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped. http://tfl.nu/31qz
  Replies (32) Good night (4113) Bad night (783)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went

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  (630): Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went http://tfl.nu/usqw
  Replies (32) Good night (1200) Bad night (7239)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.

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  (414): can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved. http://tfl.nu/t1em
  Replies (13) Good night (2375) Bad night (3946)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.

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  (850): Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night. http://tfl.nu/mu48
  Replies (10) Good night (5366) Bad night (1013)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.

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  (630): I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job. http://tfl.nu/iztl
  Replies (7) Good night (4130) Bad night (1035)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  ... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.

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  (352): ... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea. http://tfl.nu/mdap
  Replies (6) Good night (2430) Bad night (936)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.

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  (575): We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins. http://tfl.nu/gnps
  Replies (9) Good night (2800) Bad night (914)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo

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  (920): The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking (920): All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo http://tfl.nu/eenc
  Replies (9) Good night (2327) Bad night (951)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.

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  (818): I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job. http://tfl.nu/0hbs
  Replies (13) Good night (2676) Bad night (967)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...

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  (713): I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year... http://tfl.nu/git3
  Replies (5) Good night (1430) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.

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  (405): I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society. http://tfl.nu/cbw1
  Replies (19) Good night (880) Bad night (1311)
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  (213): View more from California

  If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude

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  (213): If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude http://tfl.nu/zznc
  Replies (2) Good night (1154) Bad night (481)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.

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  (908): We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe. http://tfl.nu/0uet
  Replies (2) Good night (539) Bad night (340)

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