Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.

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  (518): I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw. http://tfl.nu/ptpv
  Replies (36) Good night (1506) Bad night (1615)
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  (516): View more from New York

  the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

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  (516): the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice" http://tfl.nu/bgbh
  Replies (18) Good night (4061) Bad night (1087)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'

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  (917): apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money' http://tfl.nu/vf8t
  Replies (4) Good night (2219) Bad night (955)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions

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  (318): This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions http://tfl.nu/jkxb
  Replies (27) Good night (899) Bad night (4183)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it

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  (202): Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it http://tfl.nu/amxw
  Replies (6) Good night (4724) Bad night (977)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.

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  (701): two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room. http://tfl.nu/az3h
  Replies (31) Good night (874) Bad night (8755)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.

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  (513): The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk. http://tfl.nu/ersv
  Replies (2) Good night (3740) Bad night (918)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her

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  (540): Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone (1-540): I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her http://tfl.nu/pf86
  Replies (28) Good night (3978) Bad night (1385)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.

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  (207): Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level. http://tfl.nu/8m2b
  Replies (3) Good night (2417) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.

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  (225): I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you. http://tfl.nu/gxsp
  Replies (1) Good night (427) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.

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  (330): STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me. http://tfl.nu/p90g
  Replies (2) Good night (314) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?

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  (802): Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in? http://tfl.nu/o63r
  Replies (8) Good night (473) Bad night (1454)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.

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  (212): Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days. http://tfl.nu/xg4a
  Replies (6) Good night (511) Bad night (240)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.

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  (253): You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night. http://tfl.nu/mi7w
  Replies (1) Good night (506) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.

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  (513): Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical. http://tfl.nu/hqhp
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (188)

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