Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

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(215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire. http://tfl.nu/xwgk

Replies (43) Good night (6930) Bad night (1072)
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(716): View more from New York

I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook

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(716): I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook http://tfl.nu/bd4f

Replies (8) Good night (3589) Bad night (747)
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(312): View more from Illinois

i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it

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(312): i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it http://tfl.nu/tzqh

Replies (92) Good night (7460) Bad night (2048)
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(845): View more from New York

Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.

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(845): Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there. http://tfl.nu/s3qt

Replies (22) Good night (4036) Bad night (996)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.

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(773): Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night. http://tfl.nu/pczq

Replies (8) Good night (2279) Bad night (1002)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved

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(480): Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved http://tfl.nu/be00

Replies (2) Good night (1001) Bad night (2241)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.

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(616): I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady. http://tfl.nu/ufs6

Replies (3) Good night (2021) Bad night (714)
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(907): View more from Alaska

Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.

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(907): Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman. http://tfl.nu/89v9

Replies (14) Good night (2297) Bad night (756)
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(214): View more from Texas

Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.

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(214): Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed. http://tfl.nu/czkr

Replies (8) Good night (669) Bad night (1450)
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(347): View more from New York

I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?

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(347): I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night? http://tfl.nu/sddm

Replies (17) Good night (652) Bad night (1689)
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(435): View more from Utah

I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read

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(435): I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read http://tfl.nu/7a19

Replies (14) Good night (2756) Bad night (620)
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(312): View more from Illinois

So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short

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(312): So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short http://tfl.nu/ro22

Replies (3) Good night (784) Bad night (340)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?

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(734): I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening? http://tfl.nu/odfb

Replies (8) Good night (508) Bad night (941)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.

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(989): I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE. http://tfl.nu/7z2p

Replies (4) Good night (604) Bad night (239)
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(657): View more from California

Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot

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(657): Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot http://tfl.nu/2wlc

Replies (3) Good night (547) Bad night (312)

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