Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
