how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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