i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
