Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
