I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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