If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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